When we all met up at the end of the evening, we found out that my husband and Amy skipped the play they were supposed to be at. My reaction hit me like a lightening bolt when my husband said nonchalantly, “Oh we didn’t go! We got caught up talking.” This small decision turned into a trigger for both Brad and myself because they weren’t where they said they would be, nor did they tell us they had changed plans. It was made worse given the fact that we were essentially waiting for them to finish a conversation.
For the very first time, I felt envy gnaw at my heart. The dark emotion bled into the edges of my perspective and I started seeing the world through a lens of insecurity and unfulfilled needs. In my mind, their date was “so magical” that they got lost in each other, whereas my date felt like a therapy session. Yay me, I thought sarcastically. I was stunned into silence as a whirlwind of emotion paralyzed me. I managed to stammer an apology that I was having an emotional reaction when I felt their eyes boring into me after several moments of uncomfortable silence. I was finally able to gain my composure and get to the bottom of my feelings of jealousy, envy, fear, and regret. I shook off the moment and reengaged in the conversation with a smile knowing that I would debrief with my husband later.
However, I was alone in forgiving their mistake. My show of emotion gave Brad the validation he needed to have his own reaction. It gave him permission to not be okay. If I’m honest, he hadn’t been okay for quite awhile, but every time he brought up concerns they were marginalized and swept under the rug. My husband and I resolved the communication issue by the time we got home, but Brad completely lost it on their drive back. By the next morning we had our first breakup.